[He'll push himself up, looks over where the shirt landed after he tossed it. He'll walk over like, hair raised like some frightened kitten as he gets closer.
It's a fucking shirt, brain. Stop it.]
suuure I bet you're cowering in a corner right now
[He jokes even as his own brain tells him that's what he should be doing. Hiding.]
[And he doesn't mean that as if he has to accept Harrow is all he has. Harrow had become one of the most important people to him in his life before he died... he wanted to be with him.]
terrified
[He parrots back what Harrow typed before. Kneeling down he'll pick up the shirt, gingerly, breathes out. His eyes dart around, as if he expects Harrow to appear out of no where. Stupid. That's stupid.]
[Honestly he's shocked they're still talking right now, but... but he's grateful that Harrow is here to talk with as they both go handle this.]
yeah kind of I mean I am right now but the smell your smell it makes me want to run like that first time
run and get away hide but it's just a shirt it's just a smell these can't hurt me I know that
[Simon closes his eyes, brings it to his face again, not as close, nose just barely touching it. There's a twinge of pain in his shoulder remembering that night. The terror. The fear. The hurt.]
[ That's terrible. It's terrible, it's awful, and for some reason it excites him. It makes him breathe heavier, his heart race...he's not even thinking about it when he places the shirt on his shoulder, close to his face while keeping one of his hands free.
Like that first time. He doesn't want to think about it, but he can't help it, that night plays through his head over and over again, how he hunted down Simon, chased him, pinned him to the ground...
[The ding of the text message snaps him out of it, pulling the shirt away as he can feel his hands starting to shake again. His head does a little swivel, looking, it's just him, it's okay.
It doesn't stop the shudder of his breath as he breathes out. He'll go sit in the living room area, folds his wings up against his back and unbuttons the shirt, though his fingers have a little trouble what with them being unsteady. Picking his phone back up he'll answer back.]
is that why you left without answering me? when I called to you? so you wouldn't hurt me
[It doesn't make him afraid, it... it makes him trust Harrow more, that he took those precautions. Simon will pull the shirt around his shoulders now, it's bigger than what he usually wears so even with his wings it's enough to at least pull across himself like some terrible denim shawl.]
[ That's the thing. He knows Simon trusts him. He helped him cover up a murder. He believed his insane theory that Francis Chester was still alive, even when he hadn't believed himself. And even now, after almost being torn apart by him, Simon still trusts him. That's why he hates himself for having these thoughts. For feeling these things. For letting his hand wander a little too low, hesitantly ghosting over himself. ]
Yeah. Sorry.
For what it's worth, I didn't feel like I wanted to hurt you. But I had trouble leaving, and it worried me.
no you're right it was probably better you know to be careful
I trust you harrow I don't trust what this place might make us do
[What it's apparently made others do. He'll turn his head, press his nose into the collar of Harrow's shirt. It's... he tries to pinpoint what exactly Harrow's scent is. Before it was just some cologne he always wore back home, cheap, inexpensive, but so Harrow. Here he can smell so much more. It's not just Harrow, it's some animalistic thing.
A strong powerful musk that his normal nose wouldn't be able to smell. He'll shiver, thinking maybe he's had enough for one day. Maybe he should put this away for now.]
not sure if this is more weird or not but talking with you helps me not be so afraid
[ Even if a part of him really doesn't hate it. And he hates that he doesn't hate it. But, at the same time, he hates it.
It's all very confusing.
Regardless, it seems no matter what Simon says, this conversation continues to stir something in him, shamefully. It's knowing that Simon isn't far, somewhere in this building, smelling his shirt, fearing him, but trusting him. Harrow's not a power hungry man by any means, but the fact that he has this much over Simon...
Awful. He's awful. The fact that he's inhaling the scent of that shirt like it's his drug, touching himself, just reminds him how awful he's becoming. Terrible. But he doesn't stop. ]
I'll talk to you as long as you need, Simon. I'm here for you, even if I'm not in the same room.
[He knows Harrow is a good man under a lot of what he shows to people, not that a lot of it isn't really him too. He likes that though, likes that he gets to see a lot of it. Even if some of what he's seen did scare him, does scare him, things only a few people know about Harrow.
Guess him being dead back home tied up a loose end for Harrow though.]
what about you? you okay?
[Simon breathes out, breathes in. It's okay. It's okay. Relax, Simon. Maybe he could take a note from Fairley, do some meditation, focused breathing exercises or something. It might help.]
[If Simon knew what Harrow was up to... he wouldn't be disgusted, he'd be confused. But. He doesn't know what Harrow is doing. They're just texting, right?]
good hey wanna see something funny?
[Simon sends a picture of him with that denim button up pulled loosely around his shoulders like a cape, hand perched under his chin making a stupid duck face.]
idk maybe you have a point harrow denim might be my new look
[ Of course, just texting! Nothing more going on here!
Harrow was not expecting Simon to send a picture of himself, goofy and just so very Simon. Despite what's happening to him right now, he still huffs a laugh, oh Simon, you goofy bastard.
It's amazing how quickly his brain can switch gears. At first, he thinks that single goofy picture is enough to snap him out of it. But just as fast, paying extra attention to his shirt draped over Simon's shoulders, thinking about how he's (sort of) wearing his shirt, with his scent...
...Damn it.
He exhales sharply, gently squeezing himself as he wonders what the fuck is wrong with him. ]
It was only a matter of time before you came around. Good to see you can stand having it on you like that.
[How sensual, wearing the gift he left Simon and wrapping it around himself like that. Wrapping his scent around him. Everyone would know Simon was his.]
stand having it on me sure you just can't see me shaking from it
[Not to try and make Harrow feel bad, but he doesn't want to give the impression that in 20 minutes he's cured by putting his shirt on.]
This doesn't make him feel bad. It makes him feel good, and he can't push that feeling away anymore. Simon is shaking because of him. Because of his scent. ]
Still a good step in the right direction. I hope you're not shaking too terribly.
[Tell him more? Well— here he is worried he'll make Harrow feel bad about this, but he hopes he's said enough for him to understand he doesn't blame him for any of this. It's this place. It's Harrow's scent, not Harrow himself. So with a little trepidation he'll turn the camera on on his phone, holds his hand up.
He doesn't press record right away, watching his own hand as it shakes, fingers twitching on their own. The phone is unsteady in his other hand, no doubt Harrow will notice it. He'll hit record then, everything is shaking, but he tries to still the hand holding his phone as best he can.]
So far only shaking. Not yet crying and throwing up.
[Thankfully it hasn't caused that reaction in him yet. Though his nightmares... that is a little different.
Might need a break. Bag this back up.
[The camera turns now to his face, offering a little smile even as he breathes out... you guessed it, shakily.]
Gonna need a shower, I'm gonna stink like you now.
[There's amusement in that, even as he knows it would continue to make his nerves go haywire. The video is sent and he'll push up to grab the bag the shirt had come in, pushes it back in there. Whoo, that's enough for today. Where is he going to put this...? Even in the bag he can smell it. Hrm... Simon wanders into the bathroom, opens up the little cabinet under the sink and shoves the bag in there. Better for now. He leans down to sniff at his own shirt now. Oh yeah. That sure stinks like Harrow.]
[ Harrow isn't expecting to get a video. It starts, and he's treated to Simon's trembling hand, then to his face as he releases a delightfully shaky breath, releasing one of his own as he swallows the last ounce of guilt he was trying to hold onto. He had started stroking himself already, but seeing this, he goes a little faster.
He doesn't like that Simon mentions washing Harrow's scent off himself. It feels wrong and aggravating, like he wants Simon to smell like him, he wants other beasts to smell him on Simon so they know to stay away.
Nothing he can do about it now, though, so he just replays the video back a couple more times, pressure building and building as he thinks about the chase, how Simon smelled on the other side of the door, how much his scent assaults his nostrils from the shirt hanging off his shoulder.
He finishes with a deep rumble in his throat, sighing out Simon's name, hungrily, desperately.
It doesn't take very long before he comes back to his senses, mostly, and feels like absolute shit. What did he just do? Why did he do that? What's wrong with him?
Taking the shirt off his shoulders and tossing it to the side, as if being only a few feet away will make any difference, he gets up and heads off to the bathroom to clean himself up, splash cold water on his face. It's a bit before he replies again, after a deep breath, trying to go back to a lighter tone, something more normal than whatever the fuck that was. ]
You don't have to say it like that. You'll hurt my feelings.
[... there's a significant lull in reply from Harrow and he wonders if he's actually done the wrong thing with that video.
Shit.
Should he send a text? Apologize? Maybe he should just... clean up. Yeah. So he does, strips out of his clothes that now too stink of Harrow and washes himself. It's a quick shower, but he makes sure to really work in the fragrant wash he'd bought, uses it also on his shirt and pants and hangs them to dry after. Drying off he'll hear the notification go off from his phone.
Oh good, okay.]
think I can still smell you I scrubbed really hard too
[He sniffs for good measure, no, no just the nice soap smell. Though as he wanders back into the living room area there is sure a lingering haze of Harrow that is coming from the couch where'd he'd sat. Hm. Gonna need to invest in some kind of order blocker/remover. Or... maybe that little bit won't be so bad? The slight goosebumps on his arms and legs says otherwise.]
[ That has to be uncomfortable for Simon, still smelling Harrow no matter how hard he scrubs. And yet, he's exhilarated by the thought of his scent lingering in Simon's room, always there with him, keeping him on edge. ]
[ Definitely dead, but for just a little bit he pretended he wasn't. Thinking on it now, though...Simon wrote an entry every day for four years, and always mentioned him. Naturally, he noticed that before, but...it hits different right now. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2022-10-08 11:51 am (UTC)rather be stuck with you
[He'll push himself up, looks over where the shirt landed after he tossed it. He'll walk over like, hair raised like some frightened kitten as he gets closer.
It's a fucking shirt, brain. Stop it.]
suuure I bet you're cowering in a corner right now
[He jokes even as his own brain tells him that's what he should be doing. Hiding.]
no subject
Date: 2022-10-08 12:20 pm (UTC)[ On the opposite end of the spectrum, Harrow can't stop holding Simon's shirt to his face, barely registering the rumble in his throat. ]
Terrified.
[ Seriously, self. Stop it. Stop it. Stop thinking about going over there. No. ]
How are you feeling?
no subject
Date: 2022-10-08 12:30 pm (UTC)[And he doesn't mean that as if he has to accept Harrow is all he has. Harrow had become one of the most important people to him in his life before he died... he wanted to be with him.]
terrified
[He parrots back what Harrow typed before. Kneeling down he'll pick up the shirt, gingerly, breathes out. His eyes dart around, as if he expects Harrow to appear out of no where. Stupid. That's stupid.]
no subject
Date: 2022-10-08 01:20 pm (UTC)He shifts uncomfortably. Ugh, this is weird and awful. ]
Are you able to hold it?
no subject
Date: 2022-10-08 01:26 pm (UTC)yeah
kind of I mean I am right now
but the smell your smell it makes me want to run like that first time
run and get away hide
but it's just a shirt
it's just a smell these can't hurt me I know that
[Simon closes his eyes, brings it to his face again, not as close, nose just barely touching it. There's a twinge of pain in his shoulder remembering that night. The terror. The fear. The hurt.]
no subject
Date: 2022-10-08 02:30 pm (UTC)Like that first time. He doesn't want to think about it, but he can't help it, that night plays through his head over and over again, how he hunted down Simon, chased him, pinned him to the ground...
No. No, no, no. Stop it. ]
I won't hurt you again. Ever.
no subject
Date: 2022-10-08 03:03 pm (UTC)It doesn't stop the shudder of his breath as he breathes out. He'll go sit in the living room area, folds his wings up against his back and unbuttons the shirt, though his fingers have a little trouble what with them being unsteady. Picking his phone back up he'll answer back.]
is that why you left without answering me?
when I called to you?
so you wouldn't hurt me
[It doesn't make him afraid, it... it makes him trust Harrow more, that he took those precautions. Simon will pull the shirt around his shoulders now, it's bigger than what he usually wears so even with his wings it's enough to at least pull across himself like some terrible denim shawl.]
no subject
Date: 2022-10-08 03:23 pm (UTC)Yeah. Sorry.
For what it's worth, I didn't feel like I wanted to hurt you. But I had trouble leaving, and it worried me.
no subject
Date: 2022-10-08 03:48 pm (UTC)to be careful
I trust you harrow
I don't trust what this place might make us do
[What it's apparently made others do. He'll turn his head, press his nose into the collar of Harrow's shirt. It's... he tries to pinpoint what exactly Harrow's scent is. Before it was just some cologne he always wore back home, cheap, inexpensive, but so Harrow. Here he can smell so much more. It's not just Harrow, it's some animalistic thing.
A strong powerful musk that his normal nose wouldn't be able to smell. He'll shiver, thinking maybe he's had enough for one day. Maybe he should put this away for now.]
not sure if this is more weird or not but talking with you helps me not be so afraid
no subject
Date: 2022-10-09 01:36 am (UTC)[ Even if a part of him really doesn't hate it. And he hates that he doesn't hate it. But, at the same time, he hates it.
It's all very confusing.
Regardless, it seems no matter what Simon says, this conversation continues to stir something in him, shamefully. It's knowing that Simon isn't far, somewhere in this building, smelling his shirt, fearing him, but trusting him. Harrow's not a power hungry man by any means, but the fact that he has this much over Simon...
Awful. He's awful. The fact that he's inhaling the scent of that shirt like it's his drug, touching himself, just reminds him how awful he's becoming. Terrible. But he doesn't stop. ]
I'll talk to you as long as you need, Simon. I'm here for you, even if I'm not in the same room.
[ His filter is failing him just a tiny bit... ]
no subject
Date: 2022-10-09 04:03 am (UTC)[He knows Harrow is a good man under a lot of what he shows to people, not that a lot of it isn't really him too. He likes that though, likes that he gets to see a lot of it. Even if some of what he's seen did scare him, does scare him, things only a few people know about Harrow.
Guess him being dead back home tied up a loose end for Harrow though.]
what about you?
you okay?
[Simon breathes out, breathes in. It's okay. It's okay. Relax, Simon. Maybe he could take a note from Fairley, do some meditation, focused breathing exercises or something. It might help.]
no subject
Date: 2022-10-09 04:34 am (UTC)[ That's why he has his hands down his pants right now. Terrible. Maybe if he beats himself up over it enough, he'll find the will to stop.
So far, that hasn't been working. ]
Never better.
[ He has definitely been better. By miles. ]
Talking to you helps me too.
no subject
Date: 2022-10-09 05:28 am (UTC)[If Simon knew what Harrow was up to... he wouldn't be disgusted, he'd be confused. But. He doesn't know what Harrow is doing. They're just texting, right?]
good
hey wanna see something funny?
[Simon sends a picture of him with that denim button up pulled loosely around his shoulders like a cape, hand perched under his chin making a stupid duck face.]
idk maybe you have a point harrow
denim might be my new look
no subject
Date: 2022-10-09 06:27 am (UTC)Harrow was not expecting Simon to send a picture of himself, goofy and just so very Simon. Despite what's happening to him right now, he still huffs a laugh, oh Simon, you goofy bastard.
It's amazing how quickly his brain can switch gears. At first, he thinks that single goofy picture is enough to snap him out of it. But just as fast, paying extra attention to his shirt draped over Simon's shoulders, thinking about how he's (sort of) wearing his shirt, with his scent...
...Damn it.
He exhales sharply, gently squeezing himself as he wonders what the fuck is wrong with him. ]
It was only a matter of time before you came around. Good to see you can stand having it on you like that.
[ Really, really, good. ]
no subject
Date: 2022-10-09 06:58 am (UTC)stand having it on me sure
you just can't see me shaking from it
[Not to try and make Harrow feel bad, but he doesn't want to give the impression that in 20 minutes he's cured by putting his shirt on.]
the things we do for a cute selfie
no subject
Date: 2022-10-09 07:25 am (UTC)This doesn't make him feel bad. It makes him feel good, and he can't push that feeling away anymore. Simon is shaking because of him. Because of his scent. ]
Still a good step in the right direction. I hope you're not shaking too terribly.
[ Do tell him more, Simon. ]
no subject
Date: 2022-10-09 07:49 am (UTC)He doesn't press record right away, watching his own hand as it shakes, fingers twitching on their own. The phone is unsteady in his other hand, no doubt Harrow will notice it. He'll hit record then, everything is shaking, but he tries to still the hand holding his phone as best he can.]
So far only shaking. Not yet crying and throwing up.
[Thankfully it hasn't caused that reaction in him yet. Though his nightmares... that is a little different.
Might need a break. Bag this back up.
[The camera turns now to his face, offering a little smile even as he breathes out... you guessed it, shakily.]
Gonna need a shower, I'm gonna stink like you now.
[There's amusement in that, even as he knows it would continue to make his nerves go haywire. The video is sent and he'll push up to grab the bag the shirt had come in, pushes it back in there. Whoo, that's enough for today. Where is he going to put this...? Even in the bag he can smell it. Hrm... Simon wanders into the bathroom, opens up the little cabinet under the sink and shoves the bag in there. Better for now. He leans down to sniff at his own shirt now. Oh yeah. That sure stinks like Harrow.]
no subject
Date: 2022-10-09 09:27 am (UTC)He doesn't like that Simon mentions washing Harrow's scent off himself. It feels wrong and aggravating, like he wants Simon to smell like him, he wants other beasts to smell him on Simon so they know to stay away.
Nothing he can do about it now, though, so he just replays the video back a couple more times, pressure building and building as he thinks about the chase, how Simon smelled on the other side of the door, how much his scent assaults his nostrils from the shirt hanging off his shoulder.
He finishes with a deep rumble in his throat, sighing out Simon's name, hungrily, desperately.
It doesn't take very long before he comes back to his senses, mostly, and feels like absolute shit. What did he just do? Why did he do that? What's wrong with him?
Taking the shirt off his shoulders and tossing it to the side, as if being only a few feet away will make any difference, he gets up and heads off to the bathroom to clean himself up, splash cold water on his face. It's a bit before he replies again, after a deep breath, trying to go back to a lighter tone, something more normal than whatever the fuck that was. ]
You don't have to say it like that. You'll hurt my feelings.
no subject
Date: 2022-10-09 09:55 am (UTC)Shit.
Should he send a text? Apologize? Maybe he should just... clean up. Yeah. So he does, strips out of his clothes that now too stink of Harrow and washes himself. It's a quick shower, but he makes sure to really work in the fragrant wash he'd bought, uses it also on his shirt and pants and hangs them to dry after. Drying off he'll hear the notification go off from his phone.
Oh good, okay.]
think I can still smell you
I scrubbed really hard too
[He sniffs for good measure, no, no just the nice soap smell. Though as he wanders back into the living room area there is sure a lingering haze of Harrow that is coming from the couch where'd he'd sat. Hm. Gonna need to invest in some kind of order blocker/remover. Or... maybe that little bit won't be so bad? The slight goosebumps on his arms and legs says otherwise.]
no subject
Date: 2022-10-09 10:46 am (UTC)I do like to leave a strong impression.
no subject
Date: 2022-10-09 11:09 am (UTC)tell me about it
learned that day one with you!
no subject
Date: 2022-10-09 11:34 am (UTC)"What a jerk. But brilliant."
no subject
Date: 2022-10-09 11:39 am (UTC)[God. The fact Harrow remembers it, that he read it... a reminder that he's truly dead back home. No other way he'd ever get his hands on it.]
hiding the new journal better
no subject
Date: 2022-10-09 12:02 pm (UTC)[ Definitely dead, but for just a little bit he pretended he wasn't. Thinking on it now, though...Simon wrote an entry every day for four years, and always mentioned him. Naturally, he noticed that before, but...it hits different right now. ]
What, you think I'm going to sneak a peek?
no subject
Date: 2022-10-09 12:06 pm (UTC)[At first it was because Harrow was his work, but then slowly he became his life. Maybe he hadn't seen it himself...]
you so would
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